Great teams and collaborative results are essential for most organizations. However, a significant challenge hangs over all teams, and the best teams address this challenge directly by tackling the problem head-on!
If you haven't read The Five Dysfunctions of a Team by Patrick Lencioni, I highly recommend it. He offers valuable insights into five key mistakes that can undermine teams and teamwork. Below is his list, with a few slight modifications.
- Lack of trust
- Unclear or wrong goals
- Lack of accountability
- Lack of commitment
- Inappropriate conflict
The PROBLEM
Each of those "dysfunctions" reduces teamwork because they are all symptoms of the underlying PROBLEM! And great teams deal with the problem instead of just trying to remove the symptoms. Okay then, what is the problem? The PROBLEM is when...
...each person makes everything about ME!
Yes, even great teams have the PROBLEM. Each team member makes a "path of least resistance" to making everything about themselves. When "ME" rears its ugly head, all mistakes follow one at a time or all together at once.
"Serve WE - Committed to INFLUENCE others to get THERE!"
Intensified negative emotions
From personal experience and observing others, "making everything about ME" is something everyone can relate to. While some people may do it more than others, we all fall into this trap. A clear sign of your "ME moment" is when you complain about others. Pay attention to times when you feel irritated, upset, discouraged, angry, or disappointed—what we refer to as "elevated negative emotions." Trust me, when you notice these emotions, you're likely heading in the wrong direction.
On the flip side, GR8 results system build strong teams by finding ways to address the PROBLEM. One of the quickest ways to do this is by encouraging team members to SERVE others. This approach works not just for businesses and teams but also for one-on-one relationships.
So, the next time you're caught up in "intensified negative emotions," ask yourself, "How am I making this about ME right now?" If you're not being objective, you might not recognize it. But once you become more objective and spot it, take a step back, slow down your "ME thinking," and in turn, calm your emotions. Ultimately, serve someone instead of complaining about them.
Making everything about ME is a problem
It's unfortunate but true that we often spend a lot of energy trying to get our way. Some people believe the "I" disease is more common in extroverts than introverts. While there’s no research to back that up, it’s clear that focusing on yourself—on "ME"—is a trait everyone tends to exhibit. Extroverts may express their "ME" moments more openly, but introverts can still be just as self-focused, even if it’s not as apparent.
We all make life about "ME" in countless ways every day. However, GR8 leaders create great teams by offering the antidote: humility and serving others. They foster strong teams by teaching and coaching the six core values of GR8 Leaders. Moreover, they help build successful teams by guiding them to recognize and address their own "ME" moments.
Flat out SELFISHNESS is not a great teams characteristic
Some people try to make this seem like a complex issue by giving it a psychological label, calling it narcissism, a dysfunction, or a syndrome. But, at its core, it’s just plain and simple SELFISHNESS.
A few years ago, in just a few minutes, I made a list of 22 ways that I, and others, can easily make everything about ME. Here are five examples:
- Be defensive. Don’t be open to learning.
- Be impatient. Don’t tolerate delays.
- Always be right. Don’t allow room for growth.
- Seek revenge. Don’t offer forgiveness.
- Be a quitter. Don’t push through challenges.
Clearly, this list could be much longer if I spent more than a few minutes on it.
The "ME" issue is THE PROBLEM for everyone, everywhere. It undermines relationships and teams. When you make life about ME, you find yourself stuck in the LEFT CIRCLE—where you're a perceived victim of life, circumstances, and others. Please don’t stay there. Move to the RIGHT CIRCLE.
The forceful power of nice is not a problem
Another simple solution is just being nice. It may seem trivial, but it’s a powerful antidote to making life about ME. If you're looking for an insightful and fun read, check out The Power of Nice by Linda Kaplan Thaler and Robin Koval. They share simple principles and inspiring stories, all centered on the idea of serving others.
So, give it a try. Start small by smiling more at people, saying "thank you" to everyone who helps you, and treating strangers with respect. Try this for a whole week. Acknowledge everyone who serves you, and you’ll begin shifting away from those constant "ME" thoughts.
Alternatively, you could take on a "Complaint Fast." The goal is to go seven days without complaining. If you complain about anything—whether it's your thoughts or your words—your seven days start over.
Making everything about ME is THE PROBLEM when it comes to great teams and relationships. It’s time to recognize it and take action.